Facebook Decoded

I was dutifully updating my facebook status last night, and having a little look at what my 'friends' have been up to...and it got me thinking.  What do my quippy little updates actually tell people about my life?  Why do I need to tell people that I have been shopping/am tired/need a wee?  Am I attention seeking or simply shaaaring with the group?

Looking back at my recent status updates, they are mainly Chickpea-related, easily decoded by any other my newly-sprogged 'friends'.

I am tired (Please friends, tell me I am doing a Good Job) 
She is cute (I am so proud)
I am breastfeeding  (I am so proud and also a Very Good Mummy)

Yesterday my status was Has been to the Chrafford Centre and not spent any money!  Read, I have been to the Trafford Centre, so I am a bit cool, I have changed the spelling because I am hilarious and have an understanding of the English language...like Les Dawson playing the piano rubbishly but actually being a great pianist, I understand words and can therefore play with them a bit.  Go me!  Also, I went to the Trafford Centre with a friend, see, I have an actual friend.  So much underlying those eleven (I counted twice) words.

Many of my 'friends' status updates are deliberately vague, for example 'Is happy!' (or 'Is Happeeeeeee!!!!' if written by teenage girl) Anyway, this one has a variety of connotations:

• Is actually happy and will explode if I don't tell all of my 163 facebook friends
• Is desperately unhappy, but i'll be damned if all my old school friends know that I am in a dead end job and rely on my 12 cats for company 
• Wants everyone to ask 'but whyyy?', then I can show off a bit about my new car/promotion/marriage proposal.

My very favourite type of status update involve faces. For example 'Is wondering whether Fred Jones managed to get into work on time this morning ;-)'...i.e. I had sex with Fred Jones last night, woo and indeed hoo!  Or simply, :-)...which I like to think means 'He said he'd call and he DID!'

There are people on my friends list who update their status (stati?) at least every half an hour, mainly my teenage son, Nosh. 

10.00  I just got up!
11.03  I have been up for approximately one hour
11.47  Nosh likes 'I love it when I get up, and have been up for 2 hours and am still not dressed'
11.56  I am just about to get my lunch
12.23  Nosh likes 'which is the best sandwich filling, ham or cheese?' 
12.48   I just had a ham sandwich
13.03  I hate my mum, she makes me wash my own dishes!!!
13.15  Nosh likes 'I hate my mum and if she isn't careful I am going to run away, innit.'
13.17  Nosh is in a relationship
13.45   I am going for a wee
13.54   I just had a wee
14.12   Nosh likes 'Don't you just HATE it when you need a wee, and then you GO for a wee and it's only a SHORT wee? lol roflmao pmsl'
14.15  Nosh is single
14.22  Nosh likes 'How could you?  Yes it was a short relationship, but I loved you'

I am also amused by people who use angst-ridden song lyrics to express how they are feeling, again, mainly my teenage son, Nosh.  Usually along the lines of  'You broke me!..raaaar..you and your blackened heart, your soul is alive, but dead to meee!...raarr...raarr...raaaar.'

And another thing!  People who join groups, or 'like' certain things (Andy likes 'I hate you, you ruined my life, go die', or Paula likes 'Just because I am overweight it doesn't mean that I don't have feelings') just to get a message across.

I think I might be ranting.

Must.  Update.  Status.

Baby Things I Own (and Love) and Shamelessly Covet. So Far.



                                 Owned and Loved...



Sophie La Girafe What a brilliant teething toy.  Admittedly, I bought this because I thought it was a bit posh.  However, it actually is ace.  The rubber is so soft and chewable, and it's really light for young babies to hold, with loads of nobbly bits to omnom.  It also has a squeak, but not an annoying squeak.  A nice squeak.

Baby Legs

Baby Legs Chickpea has two pairs of these leg warmers and I think they are just adorable, and actually practical, not that practicality is ever foremost in my mind when I am sat at my laptop with a credit card in my eager little hand.  Anyway, I love them.  They are so funky and cosy.  They make nappy changing easier as you don't need to remove them, as you would with tights.



Mountain Buggy

Mountain Buggy My absolute favourite purchase for Chickpea so far.  Like most pregnant women, I spent many hours of my pregnancy googling pushchairs and reading reviews.  This is more than a pushchair.  It is a statement.  It tells people that I am fit and go for long rosy-cheeked walks in the woods.  It tells people that I am a National Trust member. It is loyal, doesn't divulge that the furthest I have walked in the last 6 months is the 4 minute walk to school.  It is also bouncy and has lots of pockets for me to stash midget gems fruit.                                                      



                           Shamelessly coveted...



I just need this

  Giraffe Highchair

I actually need this highchair. 

Unfortunately it's a one off. 

I do like a giraffe. 










Doc Martens with Ribbon Laces

 

Ribbon Laced Doc Martens Swoon...thud.  Not strictly baby-related but they would make me

stupendously happy.  And as any health visitor worth their salt would say, 'happy mum = happy baby'.  So they would mainly be for Chickpea.

I covet them.  Hard.

Baby Led Weaning. Banana good. Tomato bad.

Well, Chickpea is almost 5 and a half months old now and thoughts turn to weaning.  With my boys I did the whole puree thing, anything goes as long as it is on the colour wheel between beige and burnt umber...except eggs or honey, because they do 'bad things' to babies.  However, this time I am attempting Baby Led Weaning (BLW). 

I bought the Gill Rapley book and read it from cover to cover.  It really does make you question why we feed our cubs how we do.  I mean, it does make sense if we see the consistency of what we feed babies in a linear sense; liquid to smooth puree to mush to lumps to solids.  But if you look at the history of infant feeding, the puree stage is a pretty recent addition, babies at the turn of the 20th century were  breastfed until around 8 months of age and then given smooth bones to teeth on and possibly mutton stew as a first weaning food!

So, we are entering the weaning stage with open minds and with a kitchen devoid of tiny tupperware pots.  We are mid-hunt for a practical yet easily cleanable high chair as apparently BLW gets a bit messy!  I wonder, does anyone who might be reading this have any suggestions for a decent high chair because we are stuck!   The one I want gives Adam wallet palpitations and the one he wants just isn't preeetty or reassuringly expensive enough.  At the moment Chickpea sits on either mine or Adam's lap during meal times, so she has the chance to touch and 'omnom' the food, even if she doesn't actually eat anything.  She has taken quite a shine to bananas but when she omnommed a bit of tomato from my salad yesterday (that reminds me, I must polish my halo) she looked at me like I had force fed her a slug, most unimpressed was she.  I do actually love that she is developing preferences already.  How very female!

I would be most interested to hear about any BLW experiences if anyone might like to share. 

Am off for much needed cup of tea.  N x

Grumble Grrr Hungry Meh

Yep.  am dieting.  Well no, Carol, my Slimming World group leader says it's NOT a diet.  It's a lifestyle choice.  So I have therefore chosen to be hungry.  Actually, in real life it's a pretty good diet, as good as any Kettle Chip restricting diet can be.  I do love a Kettle Chip...dribble...

So anyway, I have eaten 8 of my 5 a day and have invented a dish involving passata, peppers and green lentils...so am feeling virtuous if rather empty in the tummage department.  I had my first ritual humiliation  weigh in last Thursday night.  It was as disastrous as I expected, but in the glass-half-full sense, at least in the event of famine I would last ages and my family could gnaw on me for months before touching bone.  So, I got weighed and the plan was explained to me...superfree foods...free foods...healthy extras (A and B obv)...syns (used to be called sins but thats all a bit unPC now)..all very confusing and definitely not enough Kettle Chip involvement for my liking but it's worth a go.  I did have one final blowout when i returned from the group on Thursday.  £10 for any Dominos pizza, an offer not to be sniffed at.

So apart from a little spare rib related slip on Saturday night I have done pretty well this week.   Chickpea has a cold and has been on a 3 day breastfeeding binge so by rights I should have lost around 2 stones in my first week.  Shut up.

I am off to go and throw healthy things into my slow cooker, before Chickpea awakes and demands boobage.

My journeys

One of the reasons I decided to start a blog is that I have quite a few 'journeys' on the go and the moment, and to write about them might prevent me careering off the road...or something..

One of my errm...destinations?...is Midwifery Land.  A mysterious land, it's a real trek to get there and with many changes of heart along the way.  It's a bit like Total Wipeout...with random obstacles, and the big red balls at the end in the form of the dissertation (fingers in ears..lalala).  Anyway,  I began maternity leave 5 months into my third year and return in February to complete the remainder of the four year course.  Don't get me wrong, I love midwifery, but the reality of the job is very different to the ideal. 

Another journey is the looong and lonely road from Fatville Tenessee to Thinland.  I have had around 4500 false starts of varying lengths on this particular journey.  I am hoping that my current attempt, Slimming World be be the one.  I've bought me a one-way ticket and some comfy shoes...just need to find the strength to heave my chunky thighs off the sofa.

The last journey is to find the motivation and time to write.  I would LOVE to be a published writer.  I have had a couple of articles published but would love to write childrens books. 

So, hey!  Join me huh?  No...frankly because we don't really know each other and that would be properly awkward.  Sniff.

Welcome to my Head!

Hello! (hello hello hello)

Well.  This is nice!  It all feels a bit 'me me me' at first this blogging malarkey doesn't it?  I will attempt to break through the wall of cringe and write stuff about me.  And my family.  And my work.  And whichever current whim has taken my fancy...of which there will be plenty. 

So I suppose anyone reading this will have looked at my profile and know that 'busy' is an understatement.  But then I'm not 'busy' in the grown up, organised, well thought out sense.  I am not good at keeping to lists, often pretend I have forgotten that my children haven't showered since last Sunday and my usual housework routine consists of a quick dusting of the window sill in the front room with the cuff of my cardigan sleeve.  But I do try, I really do.  I actually believe that The Laziness isn't a failing, it's a personality trait and therefore allowed.  I am what I am and all that.

So, this week the boys went back to school properly.  I try to be one of those mums who likes the summer holidays, but I completely don't.  I do actually like my children, but they are so very noisy and they eat so much.  The Laziness means that I occasionally fall short on things like painting and cutting and sticking but again, I do try.  On the first morning back, waiting in the school playground...willing the door to open...I was attempting  to make light conversation with The School Mums.  I was like 'Yay!  They're back!  I can watch Loose Women in my pyjamas again without feeling guilty!' (well, at least until titchy girl (Chickpea) gets a bit bigger and notices that her mother is a domestic slut).  But some of them took great pleasure in sweetly replying that they have 'loved every minute' and will 'miss the chatter' etc.  So I had to pretend I was being ironic and that I didn't spend six long weeks rarrring at my noisy lot. Making random wild threats about year long groundings and Nintendo DS centred arson.  Pffft. 

Well I think that is quite enough wafflage for a first blog entry.  Off I pop.