Facebook Decoded

I was dutifully updating my facebook status last night, and having a little look at what my 'friends' have been up to...and it got me thinking.  What do my quippy little updates actually tell people about my life?  Why do I need to tell people that I have been shopping/am tired/need a wee?  Am I attention seeking or simply shaaaring with the group?

Looking back at my recent status updates, they are mainly Chickpea-related, easily decoded by any other my newly-sprogged 'friends'.

I am tired (Please friends, tell me I am doing a Good Job) 
She is cute (I am so proud)
I am breastfeeding  (I am so proud and also a Very Good Mummy)

Yesterday my status was Has been to the Chrafford Centre and not spent any money!  Read, I have been to the Trafford Centre, so I am a bit cool, I have changed the spelling because I am hilarious and have an understanding of the English language...like Les Dawson playing the piano rubbishly but actually being a great pianist, I understand words and can therefore play with them a bit.  Go me!  Also, I went to the Trafford Centre with a friend, see, I have an actual friend.  So much underlying those eleven (I counted twice) words.

Many of my 'friends' status updates are deliberately vague, for example 'Is happy!' (or 'Is Happeeeeeee!!!!' if written by teenage girl) Anyway, this one has a variety of connotations:

• Is actually happy and will explode if I don't tell all of my 163 facebook friends
• Is desperately unhappy, but i'll be damned if all my old school friends know that I am in a dead end job and rely on my 12 cats for company 
• Wants everyone to ask 'but whyyy?', then I can show off a bit about my new car/promotion/marriage proposal.

My very favourite type of status update involve faces. For example 'Is wondering whether Fred Jones managed to get into work on time this morning ;-)'...i.e. I had sex with Fred Jones last night, woo and indeed hoo!  Or simply, :-)...which I like to think means 'He said he'd call and he DID!'

There are people on my friends list who update their status (stati?) at least every half an hour, mainly my teenage son, Nosh. 

10.00  I just got up!
11.03  I have been up for approximately one hour
11.47  Nosh likes 'I love it when I get up, and have been up for 2 hours and am still not dressed'
11.56  I am just about to get my lunch
12.23  Nosh likes 'which is the best sandwich filling, ham or cheese?' 
12.48   I just had a ham sandwich
13.03  I hate my mum, she makes me wash my own dishes!!!
13.15  Nosh likes 'I hate my mum and if she isn't careful I am going to run away, innit.'
13.17  Nosh is in a relationship
13.45   I am going for a wee
13.54   I just had a wee
14.12   Nosh likes 'Don't you just HATE it when you need a wee, and then you GO for a wee and it's only a SHORT wee? lol roflmao pmsl'
14.15  Nosh is single
14.22  Nosh likes 'How could you?  Yes it was a short relationship, but I loved you'

I am also amused by people who use angst-ridden song lyrics to express how they are feeling, again, mainly my teenage son, Nosh.  Usually along the lines of  'You broke me!..raaaar..you and your blackened heart, your soul is alive, but dead to meee!...raarr...raarr...raaaar.'

And another thing!  People who join groups, or 'like' certain things (Andy likes 'I hate you, you ruined my life, go die', or Paula likes 'Just because I am overweight it doesn't mean that I don't have feelings') just to get a message across.

I think I might be ranting.

Must.  Update.  Status.